Oxford University Association Football Club

Biography

Every headline writer's wet dream, Toogood was allegedly the 46th most important man in Oxford last year in a survey which was much maligned for failing to include Blues legend Jack Hazzard. Alex will be hoping to improve on his position this year.

Toogood has a near encyclopedic knowledge of football and once managed to name 19 of the 20 English Premier League teams in an incredible 6 minutes and 14 seconds.

Toogood regularly sends pointless emails to the club mailing list whilst heavily drunk.

Toogood was once sexually assaulted on the football pitch against a frisky University of Bedfordshire side. His surprised, but nonchalent attitude to the defender "sticking two fingers up me bum....twice", led to many members of the squad questioning his motives for joining the blues. Indeed, his landslide victory in the 'dick of the day' nominations seemed to confirm the squad's disapproval. Toogood, we are not amused.

After winning the 100m in the world championship, narrowly beating the bottler that is Asafa Powell, Toogood was quoted as saying, "I just came out the blocks like a man possessed, I pegged the first 50 metres and after that it was a bit easy to be honest. That Powell bloke was meant to be good but I think it'd be fair to say I blitzed him". A bold statement from the first amateur to win the crown of fastest man in the world, but fellow colleagues at OUAFC would be in agreement after recent training performances. Indeed skipper Rainford said, " Fuck me, he's quick. No joke right, we held a high line on the pitch, and suddenly this blonde lad appeared from nowhere, he did me for pace I'll be honest. Even my gaffer, Keown said he didn't have a clue what to do, Thierry Henry wasn't that quick."
Whether Toogood's now legendary pace is good enough to secure a place in the varisty match is yet to be seen, although it is debateable whether he will be available after he was called up to a Jamaican training camp which clashes with the game.

Incidentally, the tabloids have been reporting that Alex's call-up to the national side, was determined by his ethnicity rather than his footballing ability. Under the recent communist regime in Jamaica, the national side has to have two caucasians, and after searching for suitable people who reside in mainland Jamaica, Toogood was the next best alternative. However the leading Blues striker strongly resents this claim. " I feel it is a slur on my footballing ability. I should point out I was linked to Man United earlier this year, and let's be honest, if I'm good enough for Fergie, I'm good enough for Jamaica."

Toogood may have a valid point, reports from educated newspapers such as The Cherwell have suggested that a £25 million move is on the cards. "Toogood is just too good for Worcester" were the tabloid headlines as news filtered through that Sir Alex was interested in sigining the world record 100m holder. Inside sources at United were generally unwilling to talk although one un-named source said, "Fergie has been drooling about this kid all season, he's kept an eye on him during Busa games and says that he would complement Rooney better than that Argentian Tevez. He's unsure about how his commitments to the Jamaican national side would affect his ability to play at club level and also his athletics career is an issue, but apart from that I reckon it's only a matter of time before Toogood is seen in the red shirt of Man United".

Locals in Oxford would no doubt have something to say about that, and a regular Worcester season-ticket holder was upset at the prospect of losing Toogood. "Those Blues have already pinched him for most of our games, but at least he stills plays in the cup. As a lad who's come through our youth academy I feel he should stick to his roots, and I wouldn't be the only one one who felt hard done by if he took the option to go to United and earn more cash in a week than I have in my life."
Whether Toogood progresses to higher football at Old Trafford and indeed the national stage in Jamaica is yet to be seen, but meanwhile regular trainers on the athletics track will no doubt be looking out for this potential superstar as he aims to reduce his personal best to under 9.70 seconds.

Toogood once recieved an pre-match teamtalk from (an uncomfortable) Martin Keown whilst "taking a shit".